Has anyone ever told you about the cycle of insanity? I heard this saying a lot as a young girl. The cycle of insanity essentially means doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result or outcome.
I used to think it was just a clever phrase, but eventually, I started to see more clearly. I realized I was dragging my feet over the same worn grooves in the earth, looking up at the sky and wondering why I hadn’t reached a new destination. I was in my own cycle of insanity.
The truth people don’t like to hear: being a victim to your life is a choice.
We love to be enabled. We love to be validated in our poor choices and our sad stories.
Make no mistake, today we aren’t talking about the people simply going through a hard season of life, we’re talking about the people who are always going through a hard time. They can never seem to catch a break. Life is just so “cruel” to them. Nothing in their life is good. They are constantly miserable about something.
People caught in the cycle of insanity hate being held accountable. I too was once one of those people. If you had asked me a few years ago, I never would have admitted it, but the truth is I wouldn’t move forward because I became comfortable being “poor me.”
It was much easier to be negative and broken because healing and being positive takes a massive amount of change and internal work.
I went through very hard things. I had every reason to stay down and continue the cycle. But I eventually realized that while you aren’t responsible for the trauma that broke you, life after the hard times depends on YOU, and you alone.
I wasn’t dealt the best deck of cards. No one came to bail me out of my hardships, and the healing wasn’t some magical, overnight transformation. My life changed because I finally took the initiative; I made the growth happen because I realized life is no game of luck. Life is survival of the fittest. I stopped making EXCUSES.
We all know that person. The one who sits in their own shit and wonders why it smells. The one who blames their past for their present and acts like a victim to a life they are actively choosing. They only stay connected to people so they can rant about their problems to the first person who gives them their ear. Selfish at their core sometimes without intention. We all know who that is… it might be someone you love dearly, it might be someone you’ve had to cut ties with, or it might be family. And if we’re being honest? It might even be you.
Being a victim doesn’t just stall your progress; it rots your well-being. You become a black hole of “why me,” draining the energy out of everyone around you until your relationships are just husks of resentment. You become so obsessed with your wounds that you start to view anyone who is actually healing as “lucky,” rather than disciplined. Envy is common in these individuals and bad habits are a pattern for them. Being around them leads to negative talk about others and you go home feeling DRAINED.
If you are someone who enjoys sitting in the mud, dwelling on the negative, and clinging to your excuses while you refuse to move, I’m sorry to tell you: you are the person who loves the cycle of insanity. You are addicted to the chaos because it’s easier than the hard and real work of changing. You are a victim.
When you are close to someone like this, someone who chooses to stay in the cycle, boundaries aren’t just a suggestion; they are a necessity. It is exhausting to watch someone you care about victimize themselves day after day. But the truth I’ve learned is that you can have grace for their struggle without allowing it to become your burden. You can love them from a distance and protect your own peace. Choosing healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you’re heartless, it means you’ve realized that you cannot pull someone out of the mud if they are determined to keep sitting in it! You don’t have to stay close to a sinking ship just to prove you’re a good person. It’s okay to choose yourself.
The escape doesn’t happen until you stop the blame game. It isn’t until we take full responsibility and stop using our circumstances as a shield that we finally become free. Ultimately, it is up to you. You can keep the old story, or you can finally put it down and see what your hands are capable of building when they aren’t so busy holding onto the past.
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