mamashonestjournal

Trigger Warning: This post discusses mental health struggles, self harm, and sexual assault. Please read with care. If you are in crisis, resources are listed at the end.

In some cultures, mental health is often spoken about as though it were a modern or Western issue, something confined to the United States or other developed nations. But in reality mental health is a human experience. It exists in every country, every culture, and every community. Pain, trauma, healing, and hope are universal parts of being human.

I’m a firm believer that no one’s story is perfect. We are all shaped by both beauty and brokenness. I may not have a picture perfect past, but our stories are not meant to be hidden. While others may find that taboo, I believe they are meant to be shared, healed, and redeemed.

My childhood was touched by trauma rooted in my father’s alcoholism. His addiction was part of a family history of mental health struggles.  Knowing this helps me understand his pain but does not lessen the impact it had on our family. When he was sober, he was loving and present. When he wasn’t, he became emotionally distant and unrecognizable.

Through it all, my mother worked tirelessly to protect our family and hold us together. His struggles and eventual departure were his own, not a reflection of her love or efforts.

Some might call it “daddy issues,” but to me it felt more like a father wound. His inconsistency left me feeling as though I didn’t always have a dad, and I often believed I had to earn his love or take care of him.

In my early teenage years, I searched for acceptance and love in unhealthy ways, trying to fill a space in my heart that felt empty. My self esteem suffered, I struggled with self harm, and I often felt invisible. With little confidence and no voice, I experienced situations where my boundaries were not respected, including sexual coercion and assault.

I began therapy and was prescribed medication as I struggled to cope with the weight of my experiences. During one of my father’s darkest spirals, he left our family after 25 years of marriage. The loss was devastating, and my self harm returned, eventually leading to a suicide attempt in early 2022 and hospitalization.

After my release, I realized I did not want to remain at rock bottom. While I had endured experiences that were not my fault, I no longer wanted my past to define me. 

Healing required courage, honesty, compassion, forgiveness, and faith. I had to  choose freedom over bitterness.

Through God’s grace, the love of the man who is now my husband, and the birth of my daughter, I began to rediscover hope and purpose. They did not erase my past, but they illuminated a beautiful path forward.

Today, I am not defined by what I endured. I am defined by the strength it took to heal, the love I now carry, and the life I am continuing to build. My story is not perfect, but it is redeemed, and it is still being written.

Resources if you are struggling or need support:

Mental Health & Suicide: Call or text 988 (U.S.)

Addiction & Substance Use: 1-800-662-4357 (U.S.)

Abuse & Domestic Violence: 1-800-799-7233 (U.S.)

Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 (U.S.)

Self Harm: 1-800-366-8288 (U.S.)

You are not alone. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength.