mamashonestjournal

Before becoming a mom, I thought I had already processed most of my childhood.

My dad struggled with alcoholism, going back and forth between recovery and relapse. Some days he was loving and present, and other days he wasn’t someone we could rely on. That inconsistency left a lasting mark on me.

What I didn’t expect was how much motherhood would bring those memories back to the surface.

Now I find myself constantly aware of how I speak, how I handle frustration, and how safe my daughter feels with me. When you grow up with unpredictable love, you become very conscious of the kind of love you give.

There are moments when I feel my patience slip, and instead of reacting the way I was shown, I pause and reset. I don’t always get it right, but I’m intentional.

Motherhood has also pushed me to take my mental health seriously and be honest about the support and treatment I need. Not because I’m broken, but because I want to show up as the safest, most present version of myself for her.

If anything, my past has made me more vocal with love. I hug her often. I tell her I love her constantly. I want her to grow up never questioning if she is safe, wanted, and valued.

I can’t change where I came from, but I can choose what my daughter grows up with.

Not perfect love.

But steady, conscious love.

Trauma doesn’t just leave scars, it can also make you a better, aware and loving parent.